Q. Why did the price of balloons go up?
A. Because of inflation
Q. Why would a tree make a good store manager
A. Because it would branch out
Q. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
A. Open the fridge, put it in, and close the door.
Q. How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
A. You open the door take out the giraffe, put the elephant in, and close the door.
Noah invited all the animals to a meeting on how to cross the alligator infested waters.
Q. How did they do it?
A. They walked across. The alligators were at the meeting.
Q. Who wasn't at the meeting?
A. The elephant, he was in the fridge.
Teacher: Joey, if you put your hand in one pants pocket and found 75 cents, then you put your other hand in your other pants pocket and found 50 cents, what would you have? Joey: I'd have somebody else's pants on!
What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper? Ruff!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
What do you call a cow that won't give milk? A milk dud!
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve soda's and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."
A man walked into a bar, ouch!
A lady walks into a building and says to the clerk, " I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink, and fries." The clerk says, "This is a library." Then the lady whispers, "Sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink and fries.
A man walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Don't touch the purple monkey up in room 222." The man sneered and went straight up to room 222 and opened the door. There sitting right in front of him was a purple monkey. The man laughed again and touched the monkey. He then started down the stairs...the monkey was following him. The man went outside and got into his jeep. The monkey got in the back seat. The man ignored him. Later the man drove to the Eiffel Tower. The man got out of the car and the monkey followed. Later the man finally reached the top, but the monkey was right behind him. The man just burst and yelled, "What do you want!" The monkey came up to him and said, "Tag...you're it.
A senior citizen named Barney was driving down the freeway, when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," replied Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer, please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off."Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Why did the 1st elephant fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the 2nd elephant fall out of the tree? He was glued to the first. Why did the 3rd elephant fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall down? He thought he was an elephant