A Few of My Favorites

"Burger Invasion"

I am pretty convinced that in the event of an alien invasion this will inevitably happen at least twelve times. -- I fear that I have made too many false announcements concerning release dates for certain projects, but I can at least strongly suggest you to check in tomorrow if you weren't planning on it already. The Awesome Forecast is looking pretty good for tomorrow. Tomorrow could be a really swell day. Tomorrow could be so incredible that I may need to buy more bandwidth. Tomorrow could cure your life threatening incontinence.

-Greg Gerling .

"Kitten Photos"

I really need to curb this thing about writing in the correct order. Today's text reads from bottom to left to top! Or bottom to top to left, if you're feeling incredulous about pinchy legs. -- The internet is like a boat which does a lot of really unproductive things (like spontaneously capsizing and ramping off of sharks), but it also brings you shipments of kitten photos. I think that was meant to originally be it's true purpose.

-Greg Gerling.

Brain Splode

Install a brain-splode rip cord in someone's top hat today! -- If you ever find yourself in a situation where there's an unexpected cord hanging off something you're wearing, put it on a fire hydrant before pulling it, just in case of the above situation. Best case scenario- your very own free water park! Worst case scenario- people get all up in your face about putting sweaters/hats/etc on public property and/or obstructing emergency services but then you just say that the hydrant looked cold and then get all angry with them for being so insensitive. Bonus round- quickly stuff the article of clothing on them instead and pull the cord! Run to avoid shrapnel (unless you're into that kind of thing). -Greg Gerling.

Urinal Cake

Another example of my inability to write comic dialogue in the correct order. It's right to left this time apparently. -- Urinal needle has a heart of gold. One day a dog with no sense of smell/taste or an exceptionally depraved homeless person will make him the happiest freak of engineering ever. Or Timmy's mother will just be too late.

-Greg Gerling.

Bear Rockets

Bear Rockets are only mean because the whole jet-for-legs situation is kind of stressful. --